I have demons in me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
