Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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