Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
