Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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