They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize