if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
