making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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