we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This is the high leading the old right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
