quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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