just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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