I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
