OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
