dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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