Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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