His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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