it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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