I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
