I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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