so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
