those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
