he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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