Don't you send me to vm
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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