can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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