you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i need some magic done to my vagina
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
