We're like a lot better than the average bears
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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