I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize