I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize