the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
