Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
