I'm going to jail i love you
As shirtless as possible
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
