am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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