3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
