Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
