meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
