It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
