No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
