So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
