Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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