my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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