She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My vagina is officially offended.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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