So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
