Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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