i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize