im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
