yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
