I wannas sexs uuuuu
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
