i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
