how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
