wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
