So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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