This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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