my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
