I saw his package. It spoke to me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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