Umm I'm too high to move.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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