he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
