I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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