I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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