do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
