My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
