Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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