I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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