I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize