:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
