I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I got her a Nickelback box set.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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