he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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