I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
