dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
